3 Ingredients for Improving Your Relationships

Today, I have two questions for you:

  1. What conversations do you wish you were having, but aren’t?
  2. What gets in the way of you initiating the conversations you want to have?

Here’s what I often hear from people when I ask the second question:

  • I don’t know how to start the conversation.
  • I ‘m not prepared for what they might say back.
  • I don’t want to hurt their feelings.
  • I’m scared they’ll get upset with me.
  • I don’t want to put the effort in.
  • I’m not sure it really matters.

What are your reasons?

All transformation begins with awareness.
Awareness leads to choice, freedom, and new possibilities.

So let’s start with this awareness: Improving your relationships and conversations is actually quite simple (but not easy).

Here are 3 key ingredients to focus on:

  1. Your Way of Being: This ingredient has the greatest impact on the quality of your relationships by far. When you bring an open heart, a non-defensive spirit, a present, curious, and engaged self, resonance and attunement can flow more easily.
  2. Your Way of Listening: Learn to listen beneath the surface, for what people actually mean instead of what they say. Listen for their feelings, their needs, their longings. Listen to find shared humanity, connection, understanding.
  3. Your Way of Expressing: Make sure your choice of words is deeply aligned with your deeper intentions. What are you attempting to create or influence with your words, your tone of voice, your energy, and your attitude?

Next week, I’ll share the 4 transformative stages you’ll want to get comfortable navigating through when you want to improve your relationships and your conversations.

And P.S. on the subject of relationships…last Friday I posted a quick clip on YouTube about the difference between enabling someone and actually being of help to someone in their healing journey. Check it out here:

Looking for a supportive, empathic, and growth-oriented community for learning and practice? Consider joining my free Q&A calls, Conversations from the Heart. We meet every Wednesday at 10am CT via Zoom. Click here to learn more.

Dr. Yvette Erasmus is a psychologist, teacher, and consultant who specializes in transformative education for human healing and growth. Synthesizing mind-body medicine, somatic experiencing, diversity and inclusiveness, nonviolent communication, and integral-relational-cultural psychology, Dr. Erasmus integrates core insights from multiple wisdom traditions and offers various programs for community learning as well as one-on-one consulting. To learn more, visit yvetteerasmus.com.




Writer, speaker, psychologist, and consultant offering practical tools and insights for conscious, compassionate, courageous living. Based in Minneapolis, MN.

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Yvette Erasmus PsyD

Yvette Erasmus PsyD

Writer, speaker, psychologist, and consultant offering practical tools and insights for conscious, compassionate, courageous living. Based in Minneapolis, MN.

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