The 4 Stages of Personal Growth

On this personal growth journey that we’re all on together, do you ever feel like you’re just cycling through repeating patterns?

Do the same lessons seem to keep coming up for you?

Does it feel like the more you change, the more you stay the same?

I used to think of my personal development like a road, or a ladder. It had a specific direction, and my goal was to get from one place to an entirely new and different place. I wanted to see progress and had this idea that things would be “different” when I arrived at this new and better land.

However, as I’ve watched myself and my clients grow and develop through the years, I’ve embraced the beautiful realization that growth is far more like an ever-widening spiral than a road. I revisit the same themes and struggles over and over again, but each time, it’s slightly different, with a bit more experience, a bit more context, a bit more capacity, a bit more skillfulness.

Spiraling through these themes in my life, it almost has a quality of unwinding. I unwind the cultural conditioning that keeps me oppressed and inhibited. I unwind the judgments that keep me trapped. I unwind the self-criticism and the self-evaluation that keeps systems of domination alive in my being.

Unwinding those things that bind me, allows me to unfold into the spaciousness of my essential and eternal being.

I drop old patterns.
I imagine new possibilities.
I make new choices.

This spiral of change and growth has four distinct stages that flow into one another. When we work together, we focus on transformation in each of these interconnected realms:

• The issues that arise in our relationships often lead us into our healing work.
• Engaging in our healing work leads to increased internal capacity building.
• As we develop more internal capacities, we improve our communication.
• Better communication skills then lead to healthier relationships.

To make it easy to work with, I developed this visual of the change process I’m describing:

I’ll be diving more deeply into this Change Spiral over the next four weeks, exploring each aspect, why it’s essential and how it supports transformation into the next domain.

As you examine the Change Spiral, imagine a situation in your life that you’re actively working on. Work your way around the parts of the spiral and see if you can map out awarenesses and changes you might be making in each domain as you work with this situation.

Next week, we’ll explore the nature of relationships and why and how they are so very essential to our healing.

What comes up for you as you reflect on this Change Spiral?

I’d love to know, so leave a comment below. I’d love to weave some responses to your questions in my upcoming posts!

Dr. Yvette Erasmus is a psychologist, teacher, and consultant who specializes in transformative education for human healing and growth. Synthesizing mind-body medicine, somatic experiencing, diversity and inclusiveness, nonviolent communication, and integral-relational-cultural psychology, Dr. Erasmus integrates core insights from multiple wisdom traditions and offers various programs for community learning as well as one-on-one consulting. To learn more, visit yvetteerasmus.com.